For my baby...

I wrote this about a week before my hyst, and just found it again in my journal. Thought I would post it here, to share with my readers.

For Lydia Lane
Dear child I will never carry
I thought of you today
I looked into your eyes of blue
Before you ran away.
I wish I could have spoke to you,
Just said a word or two
To tell you how we hoped and prayed
How much we wanted you.
I feel like I have let you down,
Like there was more that we could do
But it is time to say goodbye,
Cause if I stay here I will drown
Inside this pain where you should be
This hurt down deep inside
I wish I could have put you there
God knows, dear girl, we tried.
But still inside is hurt and tears,
That fill this womb of mine
And even if it means no you,
Myself I must re-define.
I will let them take my womb
Along with any chance of you
In hopes that I will gain a life,
Though it won't be full without you.
I wish that I could make you see
This choice not really mine,
Is made by this that eats me up
This sickness deep inside.
This thing has taken everything
My health, my life, my dreams,
And what I trade to get them back
Is you, my girl unseen.
Please forgive me for giving up,
For saying farewell to you,
But I will always see your face
My girl,
With eyes of blue.