Recent Posts

Monday, January 19, 2009

First Post aka intro to ME!

Okay so I used to blog all the time about many many things, mostly on Myspace or Facebook, but now mostly all I want to write about is my body and the stupid horrible things that are happening to it....and really there are people who have access to my myspace and facebook that I don't really want to read all these things. Sadly there are people out there who used to be in my life who would use my pain to make my life even more icky. So now a little about me!

My name is Sara Jean...although really the only people who call me that are over the age of 50 and share my genes! I am 24 years old and I live in Hiawatha, Iowa with my handsome husband Dan. We have three dogs, a beagle named Juno (who may be the focus of many of my blogs because when my life isn't revolving around pain and thoughts of sickness it is revolving around what the stupid dog has eaten that day!) a female Shih Tzu named Sassy and a male Shih Tzu (Sassys son!) named Romeo.....although mostly he goes by fat dude or fuzz-face. We also have two cats, Boy-cat and Girl-Cat. This sillyness comes from me being such a re-re that I named my male cat Calliope without realizing until much later that my little sweet Callie-Cat had grown balls, therefore we just started calling him Boy-cat. Soon after I realized I had to ability to have little kitten babies all around I got a girl and couldnt think of a name, so Girl-Cat is was!

Anyway, I have gotten off subject, this is about me. Okay what else? I was married before. Yes, I am only 24 and I was married for a very long time to a very mean man. I have known domestic violence at its worst, and I have no tolerence for men who hit....or are just mean for that matter. Long story short he beat me and I left him. That relationship will probably come up a few times because along with the endo/PCOS/infertility/the crazyness that is me causing low self-esteem, that relationship is something that I will be getting over for the rest of my life.

I don't suppose that there is anything else of interest to tell. I have two younger sisters, Maggie and Nancy. Maggie is revently married and seems to be pretty happy in the newlywed role. She recently got her teaching degree so soon may be teaching your kids! Nancy goes to school in Colorado and if all goes well may someday be arresting your kids...just kidding (I hope!). My parents are still married and still icky-make-me-puke-go-nuts in love...although now that I am in a good marriage I kinda see the cuteness in it. My dad works for the railroad and although he as told me many times I have no idea what he actually does because to tell you the truth I decided long ago it was just grown men playing with toys and kinda tune him out when he talks about it. Truth be told I think part of me resents his job because it brought me to Iowa, which I hate....but that is a whole other blog!

So there is me....or well, me on the surface. There is so much more to me then even my husband, who knows me better than anyone, knows. There are things that I wish I could scream off the rooftops and shout to the sun but I feel like I can't because most of the time I already feel like people are looking at me like I am nuts. So now on to the shouting at the sun (or whoever happens to read this)!

MY ENDO STORY (short version)

Long story short I have known for years that there was something wrong with me. I just never felt "right." I started my period when I was 9, and I remember thinking that I was so excited because I was like a womanly and stuff. Nuts to that! If I had known then what I know now I would have probably pitched a little 9-year-old fit and refused to be a girl. Anyways...all the way through middle and high school I had HORRIBLE cramps with my period. Like, I remember one day telling my mother I thought my utereus was falling out. I was like 14 and probably really thought that is WAS falling out because at that point I had no idea what it couldpossibly be, other than the "gift" that was girlhood. I always just popped a midol and went on with my day, which at that time pretty much consisted of smoking weed while skipping class and thinking I was somehow cool. (note-I have not done any sort of drug that didnt have my name on the bottle in a very long time, although I won't lie, I was a very large pot-head in my younger days.) forward........ZOOM

18 years old. With my first husband, Daniel (not to be confused with my current husband, Dan. I know its hard...just pay attention hehe) Pain getting steadily worse all the time. Nothing I couldnt handle, and nothing that kept me from any job that the ass wouldnt let me get (like I said..WHOLE other story) anyways I remember going to the ER like every two weeks and always following up with my doctor and no one could ever tell me any answers. About this time was the first time I heard about endometriosis. I was on pain killers one night and out to dinner with my then-in-laws and daniels mother asked me if I was sure it wasn't endo. She herself was a sufferer and thought that my sypmtoms sounded like this. Oh, no, they said it was just cysts and PID (a diagnosis I STILL get all the time when they are not sure why I am in pain.) Long story short I spent the next four years trying to find someone who would listen to me and believe that I was in pain. One ER visit during this time did reveal that I had Chlamydia. How, you may ask, because just because I was a pot-head in high school I was NOT a slut and had never been with anyone other than my husband. Lets just know. NOT a good day. And yet somehow I ended up being the one physically hurt. GOD he was an ass FAST FORWARD.....ZOOM

So I finally left him, met and married Dan, and here I am with an official diagnosis as of August, 2008. Before the lap in august I was in so much pain all the time that I remember for a month before I pretty much sat in my chair and was high on percocet the entire time. Not a good thing for a marriage that was only a few months old. So I get my diagnosis, and my doctor says get pregnant, and we want to have babies anyway, so I say yeah, lets get pregnant. Except she lied when she said it was no biggie. She told me it would happen easily and that there was no reason I shouldnt be pregant by Christmas. Merry Freakin Christmas, Sara, your doctor is a big fat liar.

So here I am. Sitting here at 1 in the morning writing all of this to people who, lets face it, have already heard all of this. I currently have a very large and painful cyst on my left ovary that despite having no ultrasound my doctor is sure has "gone away" even though I am not an idiot and I can FEEL the damn thing. I am seeing a doctor through the University of Iowa next week who I am hoping can give me some answers. So yeah, I hope he can.

So there is the story, in a nutshell. Later posts will prolly be more detailed and specific and probably just as boring, as my life revolves around this disease. If anything I hope that just getting it down on "paper" will help me to deal with all the things floating around in my head. So I hope you enjoy, and if you don't...oh well.....I don't either lol! LOVES!


Sonja said...

You are so brave and strong Sara; you're an amazing woman!

Sara said...

So are you!