Headaches and Heartache

I have a headache. It started yesterday as a dull inconvenience and has slowly grown into a raging roar right behind my right eye. I blame my new job. Its not hard by any means...pick up the phone, pitch, and up the phone after getting yelled at. Really no biggie. Note to all, though...if I charity calls you and you are genuinely too cheap or lazy to help out, please just tell the person on the other line the truth, rather than going into some really long rant about how I, 500 miles away, should have known now to call in the middle of your AA meeting while you mother is dying and your dog is going through Prozac withdrawal. I hate my life sometimes.

I have to stay, though. We woke up this morning to freezing cold and no hot water...problem? No gas. Solution? A check that is sure to bounce driven across town in the wee hours of the morning while I cry about not wanting to go to work and Dan convinces me to go in. We need the money. I need excision surgery like no one would believe, and I need the hell out of Iowa even more. Neither one of those things happens without me working and earning more money, therefore, I stay. Please don't misunderstand, though, its a great cause and when I get a "yes" I feel really good that I am doing my part. When I get a "no," "fuck off," or the more usual than you would think "I don't believe in charity," I feel like wow I hate my life and would just as soon stay at home and call random people in the phone book and ask them to donate to the "Sara needs gas to take a hot shower cause she has a headache cause of cheap-ass people" fund. What do I tell myself to get through the day? Nothing. I pretend it isn't me and that the life I am living is the dream and the dreams are my life. This has been working out well for me...although its put me in therapy....all the more reason to keep working I suppose.

Where is the heartache I spoke of in the title? I am so glad you asked. Its not really anything new. Just the usual "I hate my life why can't I have a baby why does everything suck so damn much" rant that so many of you have already heard before. Mostly it just sounded cool in the title, and it worked, cause here you are reading this. Now all I need is some baby food company to pay me lots of money to advertise on my blog to make the irony come full circle.

There really isn't much else...I have to go clean my house and clean my hair with cold water...I hate being dirty. I will close with the ever popular I hate my life....and wish you readers a happy Easter and hope that tomorrow the sun will shine brighter. Although it probably won't because I live in the land of never-ending Winter that is Iowa. *Sigh*