TEXTAREA_ID
The following was left as a comment from my mother on a recent post "sisters and other strangers." At the risk of sounding like I am dwelling on it-I feel like I need to address the things that were said. This was the comment-and I am going to take it line by line and set things right.
From my mother-
I just read this blog and must say that I am saddened and surprised by all that I have read. First of all, Sara yes you were scheduled to have your surgery on the date that your nephew was due. I suggested many times that you insist on moving the date of your surgery forward or back in order that it not coinside with the birth of your nephew. I felt that it would be very painful and a change of dates would make things easier for you. You insisted that they continue with the scheduled date in order to not delay and that was the same date that your sister was scheduled for an inducement. If you will remember, I left the c.r. hospital long before your sister gave birth in order to be with you during your ordeal. I was there before they even put you under and started the surgery and I was there when you came to. I stayed there with Dan trying to be supportive during the entire time. When you came out of surgery, noone said that you had a nephew, BEFORE you asked about your sister. Yes, Sara, you asked us if you had a neice or nephew.
I spoke with "N", just moments ago concerning this blog of yours and simply asked her about the fact that she was being used to represent a certain lifestyle. She said that she is not a member of any commiunity, organized group, or LGBT. She also stated that she prefered not to be used as a representation for such things. She lives her life, minds her business and does not appriciate being spoken so openly about on the internet without first being asked.
Noone has ever said Sara you were faking your illness. I myself said that I had only wished that I had taken you more seriously during your teen years and perhaps it would not have gotton so out of control. However, this illness started showing signs of being a real problem while you were married to your first husband, and if you will reacall, it was HIM who refused to get you the medical attention you needed. You Dad and I are the ones who insisted on your seeing another doctor, and we are the ones who paid for the visit in order to insure that you were heard. In refernce to your cousin, I remember that during that conversation, all that was said was that even though she was very ill, she worked in order that she might be able to pay for the necessary treatment in order to be well. NOONE ever said that "she went to school, and worked even though she was sick". And noone ever indicated that you were not ill. I am not certain what is to be gained by this misconscrewed information on the internet. I understand that everyone needs an outlet of sorts, but bringing the people who care about you the most and showing them as mean and ugly people who don't care hurts me greatly. There is noone is this ENTIRE world who was more broken and saddened by the fact that you will never bear children, than your Mother and Father. Please out of respect for us stop badgering your siblings, who by the way, love you every bit as much and remember the times when we have all been there over and over again to try and help you in anyway we could. Please stop the constant demeaning of my family and all those whom I care about.
We are sad that you are miserable. There is no pleasure in that knowlege for any of us. We have tried to reach out to you and be as supportive as possible. I honestly thought that this was all behind us, but then I came across this blog and was disapointed to discover that for whatever reason, you are still angry and bitter for the things that life has thrown at you. I was saddened to find that you are claiming to be agnostic. As far as your being liberal, in all honesty, you KNOW that we have alway's said we admire the fact that you think independently, and raised you to think for yourself. Having an opinion is a wonderful thing, and not necessaraly bad if it is different than what others think. But to take those thoughts and use them in a hurtful manner is doing just that, hurting others and unnecessary. It would my hope that you would direct your anger and frustration over this illness in another direction than your family, and that everyone might know that none of us are the bad guy's. We are simply the family that loves you, that wants what's best for you, and can do nothing to change your circumstances but would do anything to make it better for you. Do not dispise your sister because she has something that you do not. I have alway's said that your day is coming and your blessings await. Things that are personal are personal. They are not stupid people and they are not fooled by the use of initials being used as examples. Everyone in this family and their friends know our initials and which people you are speaking of. Please lets put a stop to this now before more feelings get hurt. Hurting those of us who care about you is not going to help the circumstances. We only love you and want what's best for you. I was so proud of the progress that you had made in dealing with things this past year. But this entire thing saddens me beyond belief, and it would be my hope that you find it in your heart to stop.
So here we go. My response to you, dear mother of mine. I know you will read this and I hope you take it to heart.
I just read this blog and must say that I am saddened and surprised by all that I have read. First of all, Sara yes you were scheduled to have your surgery on the date that your nephew was due. I suggested many times that you insist on moving the date of your surgery forward or back in order that it not coinside with the birth of your nephew. I felt that it would be very painful and a change of dates would make things easier for you. You insisted that they continue with the scheduled date in order to not delay and that was the same date that your sister was scheduled for an inducement. If you will remember, I left the c.r. hospital long before your sister gave birth in order to be with you during your ordeal. I was there before they even put you under and started the surgery and I was there when you came to. I stayed there with Dan trying to be supportive during the entire time. When you came out of surgery, noone said that you had a nephew, BEFORE you asked about your sister. Yes, Sara, you asked us if you had a neice or nephew.
You are saddened and surprised? Why? Nothing that has been written here is anything that I have not said to you or my sisters in person. The fact that you think this is all brand new information just shows that you weren't ever listening when I talked about it.
Yes, I was scheduled on the due date. And yes, I asked about moving the date, and I couldn't wait the month and a half that I would have had to wait if I had rescheduled. Yes, it was very painful, but a change in the date was not an option, because I had already waited literally YEARS for a fix. There was no moving it. I don't blame Maggie for having the baby the same day-no one could have planned that. I do remember that you were there with me. I also remember sitting in the room waiting for surgery while you dictated the texts you were getting from CR about how the delivery was going. I did ask if I had a niece or a nephew. Just because I wanted to know if my sister was alright-that doesn't mean that I needed a play-by-play along with pictures on cell phones and details. If you will remember-I was a little bit DRUGGED and perhaps those people in the room that were thinking clearly should have been a little more on top of watching what they said-whether or not the person on MORPHINE was asking for them to talk or not.
My hysterectomy was not an "ordeal." It was a life-changing, mood-altering CHOICE that I regret most days. It changed my life and my marriage and my faith and my outlook and my future. It changed WHO I am. To call it an "ordeal" is truly putting it lower than it deserves. You wanted to be there for me during my "ordeal?" Guess what, mother-it's still going on. This "ordeal" will never be over. And I am sorry-but being there for the physical event does not make up for the fact that you were not there for the psychological ramifications that I deal with still-and will deal with for the rest of my life. It's like going to a funeral and then never calling the widow. The fact is, you aren't there. You weren't there.
Also, "noone" is not a word. Neither is "neice."
I spoke with "N", just moments ago concerning this blog of yours and simply asked her about the fact that she was being used to represent a certain lifestyle. She said that she is not a member of any commiunity, organized group, or LGBT. She also stated that she prefered not to be used as a representation for such things. She lives her life, minds her business and does not appriciate being spoken so openly about on the internet without first being asked.
As far as Nancy goes-what on this green earth thinks that she would tell you she is proud to be who she is? All she has ever heard from any of you is how wrong and immoral it is. The fact is that she IS a member of that community. When SHE asked me to stop referring to her as a member of it, then I will. Until then, I will continue to support gay rights. Even if my sister loved a man instead of a woman I would STILL support the cause, because unlike you, I believe that we are all equal and there are no "second class citizens"
Noone has ever said Sara you were faking your illness. I myself said that I had only wished that I had taken you more seriously during your teen years and perhaps it would not have gotton so out of control. However, this illness started showing signs of being a real problem while you were married to your first husband, and if you will reacall, it was HIM who refused to get you the medical attention you needed. You Dad and I are the ones who insisted on your seeing another doctor, and we are the ones who paid for the visit in order to insure that you were heard. In refernce to your cousin, I remember that during that conversation, all that was said was that even though she was very ill, she worked in order that she might be able to pay for the necessary treatment in order to be well. NOONE ever said that "she went to school, and worked even though she was sick". And noone ever indicated that you were not ill. I am not certain what is to be gained by this misconscrewed information on the internet. I understand that everyone needs an outlet of sorts, but bringing the people who care about you the most and showing them as mean and ugly people who don't care hurts me greatly. There is noone is this ENTIRE world who was more broken and saddened by the fact that you will never bear children, than your Mother and Father. Please out of respect for us stop badgering your siblings, who by the way, love you every bit as much and remember the times when we have all been there over and over again to try and help you in anyway we could.
Yes, Mother, Maggie did in fact, on more than one occasion, say that I was faking. In fact, you, on at least one occasion, told me that I was being a baby about it. How nice for you to be able to blame my ex-husband. You are so right, he wouldn't get me the care I needed, but that doesn't change the fact that when I was a CHILD and depended on YOU and told you there was something wrong YOU did nothing to help me. Saying now that you wished you had listened is all well and good-doesn't that make you the perfect martyr of the situation. And yes, you and Daddy paid for ONE visit to your doctor, where I was NOT heard, but only given more pain medication.
As far as my cousin-you are not remembering the conversation correctly. I am not going to argue that-I know what was said. But to say that she "worked even though she was ill to pay for the care she needed" is nothing more than a slap in the face to me and every other woman with this disease who is unable to work. How dare you imply that if we were to go to work we could get the care we need?! You have no right, and the fact that you would even say something so heartless and cold makes me ashamed to call you my mother.
As far as bringing the people who care about me most and showing them as ugly and mean? I have shown you as you are. I, in fact, have been BEYOND nice in the things I have said about you. Your comments have done nothing except show people that I have painted you prettier than you actually are. I have said nothing that isn't true. If anything I have been less than honest about how things actually are-because I know you guys read this. Rest assured-I no longer care what people think of you. You made this bed. You can lie in it.
Oh yeah, and no one hurts worse than you and Daddy that I can't have children? You say this often, and you forget one thing. ME. I HURT WORSE THAN YOU. Remember me, the one actually going through it? The one who actually lost something? Or how about my husband? Remember him? To say that no one hurts worse than you shows how selfish and ignorant you are. How very sad.
I am not badgering my siblings. If I was emailing them and calling them and yelling at them every day then you could say that I was, but I am not. Seems to me that the ones "badgering" are you and Maggie. YOU are the one who came to this blog and started badgering ME.
You have not helped me in any way you could. You COULD have, just once, acknowledged the fact that I lost something. You could have supported me. You could have NOT ripped into me and my friends for feelings that you know NOTHING about.
From my mother-
I just read this blog and must say that I am saddened and surprised by all that I have read. First of all, Sara yes you were scheduled to have your surgery on the date that your nephew was due. I suggested many times that you insist on moving the date of your surgery forward or back in order that it not coinside with the birth of your nephew. I felt that it would be very painful and a change of dates would make things easier for you. You insisted that they continue with the scheduled date in order to not delay and that was the same date that your sister was scheduled for an inducement. If you will remember, I left the c.r. hospital long before your sister gave birth in order to be with you during your ordeal. I was there before they even put you under and started the surgery and I was there when you came to. I stayed there with Dan trying to be supportive during the entire time. When you came out of surgery, noone said that you had a nephew, BEFORE you asked about your sister. Yes, Sara, you asked us if you had a neice or nephew.
I spoke with "N", just moments ago concerning this blog of yours and simply asked her about the fact that she was being used to represent a certain lifestyle. She said that she is not a member of any commiunity, organized group, or LGBT. She also stated that she prefered not to be used as a representation for such things. She lives her life, minds her business and does not appriciate being spoken so openly about on the internet without first being asked.
Noone has ever said Sara you were faking your illness. I myself said that I had only wished that I had taken you more seriously during your teen years and perhaps it would not have gotton so out of control. However, this illness started showing signs of being a real problem while you were married to your first husband, and if you will reacall, it was HIM who refused to get you the medical attention you needed. You Dad and I are the ones who insisted on your seeing another doctor, and we are the ones who paid for the visit in order to insure that you were heard. In refernce to your cousin, I remember that during that conversation, all that was said was that even though she was very ill, she worked in order that she might be able to pay for the necessary treatment in order to be well. NOONE ever said that "she went to school, and worked even though she was sick". And noone ever indicated that you were not ill. I am not certain what is to be gained by this misconscrewed information on the internet. I understand that everyone needs an outlet of sorts, but bringing the people who care about you the most and showing them as mean and ugly people who don't care hurts me greatly. There is noone is this ENTIRE world who was more broken and saddened by the fact that you will never bear children, than your Mother and Father. Please out of respect for us stop badgering your siblings, who by the way, love you every bit as much and remember the times when we have all been there over and over again to try and help you in anyway we could. Please stop the constant demeaning of my family and all those whom I care about.
We are sad that you are miserable. There is no pleasure in that knowlege for any of us. We have tried to reach out to you and be as supportive as possible. I honestly thought that this was all behind us, but then I came across this blog and was disapointed to discover that for whatever reason, you are still angry and bitter for the things that life has thrown at you. I was saddened to find that you are claiming to be agnostic. As far as your being liberal, in all honesty, you KNOW that we have alway's said we admire the fact that you think independently, and raised you to think for yourself. Having an opinion is a wonderful thing, and not necessaraly bad if it is different than what others think. But to take those thoughts and use them in a hurtful manner is doing just that, hurting others and unnecessary. It would my hope that you would direct your anger and frustration over this illness in another direction than your family, and that everyone might know that none of us are the bad guy's. We are simply the family that loves you, that wants what's best for you, and can do nothing to change your circumstances but would do anything to make it better for you. Do not dispise your sister because she has something that you do not. I have alway's said that your day is coming and your blessings await. Things that are personal are personal. They are not stupid people and they are not fooled by the use of initials being used as examples. Everyone in this family and their friends know our initials and which people you are speaking of. Please lets put a stop to this now before more feelings get hurt. Hurting those of us who care about you is not going to help the circumstances. We only love you and want what's best for you. I was so proud of the progress that you had made in dealing with things this past year. But this entire thing saddens me beyond belief, and it would be my hope that you find it in your heart to stop.
So here we go. My response to you, dear mother of mine. I know you will read this and I hope you take it to heart.
I just read this blog and must say that I am saddened and surprised by all that I have read. First of all, Sara yes you were scheduled to have your surgery on the date that your nephew was due. I suggested many times that you insist on moving the date of your surgery forward or back in order that it not coinside with the birth of your nephew. I felt that it would be very painful and a change of dates would make things easier for you. You insisted that they continue with the scheduled date in order to not delay and that was the same date that your sister was scheduled for an inducement. If you will remember, I left the c.r. hospital long before your sister gave birth in order to be with you during your ordeal. I was there before they even put you under and started the surgery and I was there when you came to. I stayed there with Dan trying to be supportive during the entire time. When you came out of surgery, noone said that you had a nephew, BEFORE you asked about your sister. Yes, Sara, you asked us if you had a neice or nephew.
You are saddened and surprised? Why? Nothing that has been written here is anything that I have not said to you or my sisters in person. The fact that you think this is all brand new information just shows that you weren't ever listening when I talked about it.
Yes, I was scheduled on the due date. And yes, I asked about moving the date, and I couldn't wait the month and a half that I would have had to wait if I had rescheduled. Yes, it was very painful, but a change in the date was not an option, because I had already waited literally YEARS for a fix. There was no moving it. I don't blame Maggie for having the baby the same day-no one could have planned that. I do remember that you were there with me. I also remember sitting in the room waiting for surgery while you dictated the texts you were getting from CR about how the delivery was going. I did ask if I had a niece or a nephew. Just because I wanted to know if my sister was alright-that doesn't mean that I needed a play-by-play along with pictures on cell phones and details. If you will remember-I was a little bit DRUGGED and perhaps those people in the room that were thinking clearly should have been a little more on top of watching what they said-whether or not the person on MORPHINE was asking for them to talk or not.
My hysterectomy was not an "ordeal." It was a life-changing, mood-altering CHOICE that I regret most days. It changed my life and my marriage and my faith and my outlook and my future. It changed WHO I am. To call it an "ordeal" is truly putting it lower than it deserves. You wanted to be there for me during my "ordeal?" Guess what, mother-it's still going on. This "ordeal" will never be over. And I am sorry-but being there for the physical event does not make up for the fact that you were not there for the psychological ramifications that I deal with still-and will deal with for the rest of my life. It's like going to a funeral and then never calling the widow. The fact is, you aren't there. You weren't there.
Also, "noone" is not a word. Neither is "neice."
I spoke with "N", just moments ago concerning this blog of yours and simply asked her about the fact that she was being used to represent a certain lifestyle. She said that she is not a member of any commiunity, organized group, or LGBT. She also stated that she prefered not to be used as a representation for such things. She lives her life, minds her business and does not appriciate being spoken so openly about on the internet without first being asked.
As far as Nancy goes-what on this green earth thinks that she would tell you she is proud to be who she is? All she has ever heard from any of you is how wrong and immoral it is. The fact is that she IS a member of that community. When SHE asked me to stop referring to her as a member of it, then I will. Until then, I will continue to support gay rights. Even if my sister loved a man instead of a woman I would STILL support the cause, because unlike you, I believe that we are all equal and there are no "second class citizens"
Noone has ever said Sara you were faking your illness. I myself said that I had only wished that I had taken you more seriously during your teen years and perhaps it would not have gotton so out of control. However, this illness started showing signs of being a real problem while you were married to your first husband, and if you will reacall, it was HIM who refused to get you the medical attention you needed. You Dad and I are the ones who insisted on your seeing another doctor, and we are the ones who paid for the visit in order to insure that you were heard. In refernce to your cousin, I remember that during that conversation, all that was said was that even though she was very ill, she worked in order that she might be able to pay for the necessary treatment in order to be well. NOONE ever said that "she went to school, and worked even though she was sick". And noone ever indicated that you were not ill. I am not certain what is to be gained by this misconscrewed information on the internet. I understand that everyone needs an outlet of sorts, but bringing the people who care about you the most and showing them as mean and ugly people who don't care hurts me greatly. There is noone is this ENTIRE world who was more broken and saddened by the fact that you will never bear children, than your Mother and Father. Please out of respect for us stop badgering your siblings, who by the way, love you every bit as much and remember the times when we have all been there over and over again to try and help you in anyway we could.
Yes, Mother, Maggie did in fact, on more than one occasion, say that I was faking. In fact, you, on at least one occasion, told me that I was being a baby about it. How nice for you to be able to blame my ex-husband. You are so right, he wouldn't get me the care I needed, but that doesn't change the fact that when I was a CHILD and depended on YOU and told you there was something wrong YOU did nothing to help me. Saying now that you wished you had listened is all well and good-doesn't that make you the perfect martyr of the situation. And yes, you and Daddy paid for ONE visit to your doctor, where I was NOT heard, but only given more pain medication.
As far as my cousin-you are not remembering the conversation correctly. I am not going to argue that-I know what was said. But to say that she "worked even though she was ill to pay for the care she needed" is nothing more than a slap in the face to me and every other woman with this disease who is unable to work. How dare you imply that if we were to go to work we could get the care we need?! You have no right, and the fact that you would even say something so heartless and cold makes me ashamed to call you my mother.
As far as bringing the people who care about me most and showing them as ugly and mean? I have shown you as you are. I, in fact, have been BEYOND nice in the things I have said about you. Your comments have done nothing except show people that I have painted you prettier than you actually are. I have said nothing that isn't true. If anything I have been less than honest about how things actually are-because I know you guys read this. Rest assured-I no longer care what people think of you. You made this bed. You can lie in it.
Oh yeah, and no one hurts worse than you and Daddy that I can't have children? You say this often, and you forget one thing. ME. I HURT WORSE THAN YOU. Remember me, the one actually going through it? The one who actually lost something? Or how about my husband? Remember him? To say that no one hurts worse than you shows how selfish and ignorant you are. How very sad.
I am not badgering my siblings. If I was emailing them and calling them and yelling at them every day then you could say that I was, but I am not. Seems to me that the ones "badgering" are you and Maggie. YOU are the one who came to this blog and started badgering ME.
You have not helped me in any way you could. You COULD have, just once, acknowledged the fact that I lost something. You could have supported me. You could have NOT ripped into me and my friends for feelings that you know NOTHING about.
Please stop the constant demeaning of my family and all those whom I care about.
We are sad that you are miserable. There is no pleasure in that knowlege for any of us. We have tried to reach out to you and be as supportive as possible. I honestly thought that this was all behind us, but then I came across this blog and was disapointed to discover that for whatever reason, you are still angry and bitter for the things that life has thrown at you. I was saddened to find that you are claiming to be agnostic. As far as your being liberal, in all honesty, you KNOW that we have alway's said we admire the fact that you think independently, and raised you to think for yourself. Having an opinion is a wonderful thing, and not necessaraly bad if it is different than what others think. But to take those thoughts and use them in a hurtful manner is doing just that, hurting others and unnecessary. It would my hope that you would direct your anger and frustration over this illness in another direction than your family, and that everyone might know that none of us are the bad guy's. We are simply the family that loves you, that wants what's best for you, and can do nothing to change your circumstances but would do anything to make it better for you. Do not dispise your sister because she has something that you do not. I have alway's said that your day is coming and your blessings await. Things that are personal are personal. They are not stupid people and they are not fooled by the use of initials being used as examples. Everyone in this family and their friends know our initials and which people you are speaking of. Please lets put a stop to this now before more feelings get hurt. Hurting those of us who care about you is not going to help the circumstances. We only love you and want what's best for you. I was so proud of the progress that you had made in dealing with things this past year. But this entire thing saddens me beyond belief, and it would be my hope that you find it in your heart to stop.
We are sad that you are miserable. There is no pleasure in that knowlege for any of us. We have tried to reach out to you and be as supportive as possible. I honestly thought that this was all behind us, but then I came across this blog and was disapointed to discover that for whatever reason, you are still angry and bitter for the things that life has thrown at you. I was saddened to find that you are claiming to be agnostic. As far as your being liberal, in all honesty, you KNOW that we have alway's said we admire the fact that you think independently, and raised you to think for yourself. Having an opinion is a wonderful thing, and not necessaraly bad if it is different than what others think. But to take those thoughts and use them in a hurtful manner is doing just that, hurting others and unnecessary. It would my hope that you would direct your anger and frustration over this illness in another direction than your family, and that everyone might know that none of us are the bad guy's. We are simply the family that loves you, that wants what's best for you, and can do nothing to change your circumstances but would do anything to make it better for you. Do not dispise your sister because she has something that you do not. I have alway's said that your day is coming and your blessings await. Things that are personal are personal. They are not stupid people and they are not fooled by the use of initials being used as examples. Everyone in this family and their friends know our initials and which people you are speaking of. Please lets put a stop to this now before more feelings get hurt. Hurting those of us who care about you is not going to help the circumstances. We only love you and want what's best for you. I was so proud of the progress that you had made in dealing with things this past year. But this entire thing saddens me beyond belief, and it would be my hope that you find it in your heart to stop.
I have never once demeaned your family. I have only told the truth about MY family, and how I am treated in it. If you find no pleasure in the fact that I am miserable, then please stop contributing to my misery.
DUH I am angry and bitter. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. You all walk around acting like I should just be over it. I will NEVER be over it-all I can hope for is to one day be able to deal with it.
To say that you are saddened to find that I am agnostic like you didn't already know, again, shows that you never listen when I talk. I have not believed in God for a long time now. And to tell you the truth, even if I did, I would not want to be associated with you and your so-called "Christian" values that allow you to judge that which you do not understand. You wonder why people think that Christians like you and Maggie are hypocrites? Read the things you wrote to me-they are a perfect example of "Gods love."
I do not despise my sister for having something I can't have. I despise that I can't have it. None of you have ever understood that. None of you have ever tried.
There will not be a stop to this. I will deal with this forever, and I will deal with it the ways that work. I will be honest, and I will continue to write. I am sorry that you don't get it-and even more sorry that I have had to apologize for your behavior.
If your feelings are hurt by the truth about yourself, perhaps you should change that truth.
