Here is Autumn....and an update

For once I am about to make good on my promise of posting the next day. I will try to tough on everything that has been happening lately, as I know I have been lacking in my updates.

My pain is slowly but surely getting to be constant again. For almost 6 months I have been able to get through the days without much pain, and I can see now that eventually I will be right back where I was before...constantly in pain. Although I know this is coming, I am hopeful that I will be able to continue to go to school and spend time with my family. This is my hope.

I see my sister often, and even as much as it pains me to see her glowing as she does, I am trying my best to be happy and prepare myself to be the best aunt I can be. When I see little trinkets that I would love for my own child I try to get them for hers. I smile when she shows me her ultrasound pictured and complains about morning sickness, and I keep my tears for Dan and I at home. I cry often for my loss that seems to be her gain. She has everything I have ever wanted, and it pains me so. My only comfort is knowing that even though it has not happened yet, I WILL be a mother one way or another, and I hope that the wait will make it all that sweeter.

School is going better than I thought it would. I am doing my best and it is paying off in good grades. I am hoping the constant pain will not come back before I can get through this semester, and I am currently spending lots of time looking at prospective schools to transfer to. My current first choice is a school in Florida that offers a five year Bachelors/Masters program in Biology. There is still much planning to do before I make a decision, but every day brings me closer to getting my degree and doing something with my life. On a side note I would like to say that even though science is what I choose to study the most of...I HATE CHEMISTRY! I spend most of the time in that class wishing that I was sitting in Biology or even Math, because those I am so much better at.

My furry ones are doing well. Sassy follows me wherever I go and I seldom leave without her beside me. She is one of the few constants in my life, and I love her more than I can put into words. God sent her to me to be my baby until he sees fit to bless me with one of my own. Bandit spends most days outside chasing bugs and laying in the sunshine, and at night he sleeps beside us. He is the best cat in the world (although I am sure Sonja would say otherwise hehe) and I love him.

Other than that there is nothing else of interest happening, and although I am busy with school I hope to update more often, but for now I am off to snuggle with the most handsome man in the world and to love the ones dear to me, for they seem to be all I have these days.

Too Tired

I fully intended on a post tonight, but as you all can see I have made my blog all pretty and as much as I want to continue on the computer tonight, I have a handsome man and two furry things in my bed that are calling to me...so tomorrow the update shall come.

WARNING-CONTAINS PICTURE OF ICKY FOOT STITCHES

So since I have written last I cut my foot. I know, I know, those who actually know me know that this isn't exactly headline news, because I am indeed a klutz who doesn't watch where she is going as she should. Anyways, I was on the phone and walking out of my bedroom when I stepped on (I think) a shelf bracket. It didn't even hurt when I did it but as soon as I saw it I knew I was in trouble time. A very large piece of the skin on the bottom of my foot was hanging off. Lovely, I know. So I had to get 7 stitches in the bottom of my foot. The picture is only to see how many of you I can freak out lol!

Awake

I can't sleep. I wasn't feeling well this afternoon so I took a rather long and super comfy nap with my Bandit and Sassy...although I am paying for it now because I am wide awake...although grateful to my friend Jenny for being awake and chatting with me at this ungodly hour! There isn't really much to say that I didn't say in my last post, other than my shoulder is kinda achy and I am worried about my grandfather. He isn't doing so well and is in the hospital up in North Dakota. I am hoping and praying that he pulls through....

My shoulder is sore from digging up this horrid bush at my mothers the other day. I dug it up good....but now my shoulder is killing me.

So thats all I guess...I am gonna go eat something now cause I am feeling shaky....

Thankful

believe it or not folks...I am here. Still. I was going to move my blog but that turned out to be more of a pain in my ass than I wanted it to be so here I am writing here again. I would have written sooner but the stupid server hasn't let me on for weeks and I just spent the last hour reading up on my bloggy friends! So here I go with an update for all of those who care....

Dan

Dan and I are actually doing really well. The fighting has stopped for the most part and we are getting along great. Most of the time I look at him and think I have done nothing to deserve something so wonderful...and I am thankful.

Bandit and Sassy

What can I say? I love them, they love me, we play, we cuddle....they are my children for now and I am thankful

School

I started school last week again...giving it another shot at my Biology degree. It is going well, and I have only missed one class due to pain, and for that, I am thankful.

Zoloft

My doctor has put me on Zoloft to help with the depression. I don't think it is doing anything yet but everyone else seems to think it is..so I guess for that I am thankful.

Maggie and the Baby

Although it kills me every time I think about the fact that I am barren, I am trying very hard to be excited about being an Aunt. I will strive to be the best one I can be and hopefully I will do that little baby justice. I love my sister and I am thankful that her and my family are being understanding about how hard this is for me. I am thankful she is healthy so far, and I hope for a safe delivery of my first little nephew (yes, I KNOW its a boy lol)