Post Mothers Day Update

Ok I know I haven't really written anything in awhile and what better time than today? I am not going to go into detail about what happened...Sonja knows the horror that was Sunday. I don't want people reading the details all over the internet so lets just say...it could have been worse, but just barely.

Everywhere I looked there were families. They were fishing and hiking and just being happy spending the one day in Iowa that it was beautiful together. Every time I tried to think of happy things and go to my happy place there were children there too. Of course it does not help that of all days my period decided that Mothers Day is the day to come raging back into my life and bring with it the kind of pain that brings me to my knees. I didn't need the pain to bring me to my knees that day, I was already there. How can those of us with this pain be expected to be the bearer of gifts and flowers and pretend like we are happy for those who are lucky enough to have what we have been denied? How am I supposed to sit there and watch mothers yelling at their children for them just being children and not be completely pissed off? Do they now know how lucky they are? Do they not know that there are those of us whose bodies just don't do what they are supposed to do, and therefore we will never get that miracle? I would KILL for my child to spill his milk or lose a shoe or even mouth off to me. No one who has this joy seems to know that that is exactly what it is...a joy that they should cherish and love and be thankful for every day of their lives. There is no way to describe how painful it was for me...except to say if I EVER hear another women whine about the pain of childbirth I am going to scream...because yes, that may have hurt, but imagine Mothers Day without being a mother.

Sassy saved me really. She sat on my lap and walked beside me and even hiked for a little bit with me without doing her usual prissy thing where she does what she wants when she wants. She licked my face and jumped in my arms when I said "come to mommy." She even got me a card and a photo, although I suppose daddy helped with that...but what three-year-old doesn't need help with that? :)

I am already dreading next year, although I figure that if I got through this one maybe I can do it again. But I will never ever EVER look around a restaurant or park on a family holiday and wonder why there are always just a few that look like they want to kill themselves or someone else, because I have been that person, and will prolly be again.

So that was the dreaded day. If you want more details cause you like the juicy stuff lol...and trust me it is...message me or gimme a call or whatever, y'all know how to reach me. I am off now to pretend like it doesn't still hurt. Wish me luck.