Here is Autumn....and an update

For once I am about to make good on my promise of posting the next day. I will try to tough on everything that has been happening lately, as I know I have been lacking in my updates.

My pain is slowly but surely getting to be constant again. For almost 6 months I have been able to get through the days without much pain, and I can see now that eventually I will be right back where I was before...constantly in pain. Although I know this is coming, I am hopeful that I will be able to continue to go to school and spend time with my family. This is my hope.

I see my sister often, and even as much as it pains me to see her glowing as she does, I am trying my best to be happy and prepare myself to be the best aunt I can be. When I see little trinkets that I would love for my own child I try to get them for hers. I smile when she shows me her ultrasound pictured and complains about morning sickness, and I keep my tears for Dan and I at home. I cry often for my loss that seems to be her gain. She has everything I have ever wanted, and it pains me so. My only comfort is knowing that even though it has not happened yet, I WILL be a mother one way or another, and I hope that the wait will make it all that sweeter.

School is going better than I thought it would. I am doing my best and it is paying off in good grades. I am hoping the constant pain will not come back before I can get through this semester, and I am currently spending lots of time looking at prospective schools to transfer to. My current first choice is a school in Florida that offers a five year Bachelors/Masters program in Biology. There is still much planning to do before I make a decision, but every day brings me closer to getting my degree and doing something with my life. On a side note I would like to say that even though science is what I choose to study the most of...I HATE CHEMISTRY! I spend most of the time in that class wishing that I was sitting in Biology or even Math, because those I am so much better at.

My furry ones are doing well. Sassy follows me wherever I go and I seldom leave without her beside me. She is one of the few constants in my life, and I love her more than I can put into words. God sent her to me to be my baby until he sees fit to bless me with one of my own. Bandit spends most days outside chasing bugs and laying in the sunshine, and at night he sleeps beside us. He is the best cat in the world (although I am sure Sonja would say otherwise hehe) and I love him.

Other than that there is nothing else of interest happening, and although I am busy with school I hope to update more often, but for now I am off to snuggle with the most handsome man in the world and to love the ones dear to me, for they seem to be all I have these days.

Too Tired

I fully intended on a post tonight, but as you all can see I have made my blog all pretty and as much as I want to continue on the computer tonight, I have a handsome man and two furry things in my bed that are calling to me...so tomorrow the update shall come.

WARNING-CONTAINS PICTURE OF ICKY FOOT STITCHES

So since I have written last I cut my foot. I know, I know, those who actually know me know that this isn't exactly headline news, because I am indeed a klutz who doesn't watch where she is going as she should. Anyways, I was on the phone and walking out of my bedroom when I stepped on (I think) a shelf bracket. It didn't even hurt when I did it but as soon as I saw it I knew I was in trouble time. A very large piece of the skin on the bottom of my foot was hanging off. Lovely, I know. So I had to get 7 stitches in the bottom of my foot. The picture is only to see how many of you I can freak out lol!

Awake

I can't sleep. I wasn't feeling well this afternoon so I took a rather long and super comfy nap with my Bandit and Sassy...although I am paying for it now because I am wide awake...although grateful to my friend Jenny for being awake and chatting with me at this ungodly hour! There isn't really much to say that I didn't say in my last post, other than my shoulder is kinda achy and I am worried about my grandfather. He isn't doing so well and is in the hospital up in North Dakota. I am hoping and praying that he pulls through....

My shoulder is sore from digging up this horrid bush at my mothers the other day. I dug it up good....but now my shoulder is killing me.

So thats all I guess...I am gonna go eat something now cause I am feeling shaky....

Thankful

believe it or not folks...I am here. Still. I was going to move my blog but that turned out to be more of a pain in my ass than I wanted it to be so here I am writing here again. I would have written sooner but the stupid server hasn't let me on for weeks and I just spent the last hour reading up on my bloggy friends! So here I go with an update for all of those who care....

Dan

Dan and I are actually doing really well. The fighting has stopped for the most part and we are getting along great. Most of the time I look at him and think I have done nothing to deserve something so wonderful...and I am thankful.

Bandit and Sassy

What can I say? I love them, they love me, we play, we cuddle....they are my children for now and I am thankful

School

I started school last week again...giving it another shot at my Biology degree. It is going well, and I have only missed one class due to pain, and for that, I am thankful.

Zoloft

My doctor has put me on Zoloft to help with the depression. I don't think it is doing anything yet but everyone else seems to think it is..so I guess for that I am thankful.

Maggie and the Baby

Although it kills me every time I think about the fact that I am barren, I am trying very hard to be excited about being an Aunt. I will strive to be the best one I can be and hopefully I will do that little baby justice. I love my sister and I am thankful that her and my family are being understanding about how hard this is for me. I am thankful she is healthy so far, and I hope for a safe delivery of my first little nephew (yes, I KNOW its a boy lol)

Finally!

For those of you who have been following me I am sorry for the delay in getting a post up...stupid blogger hasn't let me log in for like a week! I have decided not to move my blog, cause fuck that...if someone doesn't like what I have to say then they don't have to read it. I will no longer be a slave to what mean people think. I am too tired tonight to write a full update, but I promise tomorrow I will sit down and really get it done...love you all!

Anyone want to know.....

why I hate it here in the pit of hell? this is why.

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/52924272.html

Blog has moved!!!

Okay peeps this is it! I will continue to blog here on blogger as it is being imported to my new blog. However if there is content that I don't want certain people to see I will only be posting those on my new blog site, so you will have to go there to read it. These posts will be password protected and the information to access it will only be given to those trusted people who ask. It will not be given to those who wish to use my feelings and what I write to exploit me. My email is saraculwell@yahoo.com if you want to access info!

Blog Moving...

So I will be moving my blog to someplace else, being as there are eyes reading it that it was never meant for...Hi Maggie, Happy reading. For those of you who are avid followers, I will be letting you know where to access the new blog. For those of you who are only reading to have something to throw in my face and make me feel bad.....look elsewhere.

Today

I had to see my sister today. All hell hit the fan. I am seriously not ok....although after the yelling stopped I was able to sit there and talk about names and didn't cry till she left. I am just not ok.

Thinking.....

I hate my life

"Eh, whatever"

So I went out to some garage sales today with my mom. She knew that Dan was going out to look for work and I would be alone and I am pretty sure from the way she acted all day that she is sure I am going to off myself over Maggie being pregnant. I don't need to off myself....I am already dead.

So anyways we are at this garage sale and there is a large table with lots of baby things on it, and even though it hurt like hell I thought maybe there would be cute things that we could pick up for them. So there was this really nice crib that was hardly used and was just super nice (the kind that turns into a toddler bed, then a twin, and so one) and it was only 20 bucks so I said to my mom that we should get it for her. So she calls Maggie and her and Tyler (her husband) are sitting at the DHS office (because why not have a kid when you can't afford it, right? Everyone else does) and my mom asks if we should pick it up. Maggie asks Tyler and he says "NO, I dont want a USED crib and we have NINE months. Umm...yeah. You are sitting there at the DHS office getting FREE FUCKING MONEY because you are broke ass people and you are going to turn your nose up at a FREE CRIB?!?!?! Needless to say I was pretty pissed. So after that we keep seeing all these baby things that Mama wanted to buy and I finally had to go to the car and stay there because it was about killing me that here my mom wanted to buy all these baby things for them and they are just stupid stupid stupid and I am not pregnant and my life blows.

So THEN Dan and I are sitting there when Tyler brings their dog over (because they cant even take care of their dog by themselves, so yeah, they should have a baby) and I didnt say anything to him because I knew that I would cry...so Dan says "Tyler congrats man." and Tyler says "Eh, whatever" and rolls his eyes. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????? The man has no idea how lucky he is and even if he is stupid enough not to realize it he should have enough respect for us not to say "whatever" when we swallow how sad we are to tell him congrats. Stupid Stupid Stupid little boy who is about to be the father of my first niece or nephew. So not only did she get knocked up before me....she let a broke retard do the knocking up. SO PISSED!

Update

I added pics to my post about Backbone...there are tons more on my facebook if you want to go check them out!

Dead

My sister is pregnant.

Help

Ok anyone who knows how to get one of the cool blog templates from online to on here would you PLEASE let me know!

Backbone State Park

So I said I would blog about my trip to Backbone state park with Dan and Vicky, and late is better than never...so here goes!

So the other day was one of those very few and far between beautiful days in Iowa. None of us wanted to sit around here all day and waste the pretty weather, so we decided that we should head to Backbone and do some hiking and general outdoorsy stuff.

The park is like an hour from here (the middle of nowhere) and when we got there, although we were disappointed at the large number of people there, we were excited. I had never been and Dan hadn't been since he was young, so Vicky was acting as our guide. I hate it here so much, but I will say that being there reminded me that there is beauty in all things if you are willing to look for it.

The first thing we did was head to Backbone Cave. Vicky had been there before and said it was pretty cool. For those of you who don't know I suffer from a slight case of claustrophobia, so before I saw the thing I was not even sure that I was going to head in...but I figured I would give it a shot.


*note* I have been trying for three days to get pics of all this to come up with no luck....so you may have to use your imagination on how things looked.

So we get into the cave and I actually did really well, heading about halfway back before I had to turn around and find the light again. I think if I wasn't so scared of the small space it would have been pretty cool to be in there longer and enjoy the cool things there were to see. Either way the cave was cool and we spent about an hour going in and out and talking to people there.

After the cave we went on the "cave trail" that goes up over the cave and around again. It was pretty cool...more like actual hiking then just walking on a trail (my muscles hurt BAD the next day). Dan got some pretty cool pictured of wildlife and plants and when we got back to the car we were pretty filthy so we headed to the stream to wash off.

The streams at this park are super cool. All the bridges are underwater bridges so its like tons of little waterfalls everywhere you go. We hung out on the bridge and did some wading around for awhile and then headed to the springs.

Richmond Springs were SUPER COOL! Its this spring that shoots out 2000 gallons of water every minute and send the water to all these streams that the cool bridges are over. The water is a constant 48 degrees and there are trout EVERYWHERE. You can see all the fish cause the water was crystal clear. Apparently the water used to be piped to the hatchery in the park but they have since closed it...so no baby fishies for Sara...although Vicky and I did crawl around in the holes that were left.

After the springs we went to the "beach" where the stream was calm and sandy and did some wading. There is a series of pictures of me where it looks for sure like I am falling and almost did....but I caught myself every time. I got pretty wet and tired and despite Vicky wanting to go on the other trails we called it a day after that...I was pooped and in some pain.

I was pretty stoked that I made it was far as I did, even though at the end I felt bad for having to cut everyone elses day short because I was in pain. I guess I have to take what I can get, and the other day I got a fun day with my handsome husband and his silly sister. I will try to post those pics again, although with the internet here I am not going to guarantee anything. Till next time! Peace!

Blog coming tonight...

I planed to blog about my recent trip to Backbone state park, but the internet is being stupid and now I have to wait till free access time at 1 am to get my pics to upload for it....so there will be one in a few hours!

This is copied lol

Okay so I am having to write this in office so that I am sure if blogger decides to be stupid yet again and delete my post then I will be able to go here and have it without having to re-write everything.....
So here we go again...
We aren't moving to Florida, as most of you know, because Dan couldn't find a job and we are pretty much too broke to do anything. Where are we living then, you may ask, as I spoke before of selling our home to be able to move. Well, folks, I am 25 years old and living with my in-laws. Thats right, I am sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the basement where the whole world can see me and I have to go behind the water heater to change my clothes. I have no privacy, and not only do I have nothing really to my name, all the things that are here are nasty. Thats right, packrats. Not that there is anything wrong with keeping everything that you ever got in your entire life....whatever...to each their own...you should, however, should you chose to keep these things, keep them clean. I kid you not I have to walk over dirty dishes to even get to the sink. I cleaned the whole kitchen one day...top to bottom...took me all day, literally. What did it get me? A day of a clean kitchen. Three days later I was walking over the dirty ones all over again. Do they mind living like this? Apparently not, being as I have yet to see anyone do anything to make it any different.
There is no cable here. One would think that that would prevent this next problem, and yet it doesn't seem to. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, where everyone is at, or what anyone is doing, the TV is ALWAYS on full blast. There are times (more than once a day mind you) that I will go in the living room to the TV on as high as it will go on some stupid public TV channel because that is all we get...and there is no one watching it!!! Just no one...not even a dog sitting in the room. So what do I do? I turn the damn thing off. Three hours later I get hollared at for turning the TV off! Hello?!?!?!?! There was no one watching it! GOD! Oh, and could I EVER watch the news around here? Nope, we don't care about what is going on the the world around here because Barney is on. Yes, Barney. I kid you not. So I have to read my news on the internet, that is when it is working....
The internet is never working here. We live in bum-fuck Iowa so the only internet we have is the kind where if it decides you have had enough internet for today it just stops working. Or if it is cloudy it stops working. Or rainy, or windy, or sunny, or if it is just having a bad day and wants to piss Sara off, it stops working. Why is this important? Because since I am STILL stuck in this stupid state and we live so far outside of stupid town that I can't afford to drive to class everyday the only way I can be a full time student is to take....you guessed it...online classes. Well, so that is all shot to pot so I am only part time. No difference, though, because we all know its only a matter of time before the dreaded “E” word comes barreling back into the center of my life instead of just staying in the sidelines as a minor annoyance...
The “E” word we all know is Endometriosis. For the longest time I thought that it was at least simmering down for awhile. Wrong. Yesterday was such a pretty day that Dan, Vicky, and I decided to go hiking and check out backbone park (I will blog about that and post pics here when the internet is workign lol) and about halfway up this mountain thing I started to have cramps. I didn't complain though because I know that everyone gets timed of hearing me complain about being hurt and I know that Dan was eexcited that it was me who suggested the trip in the first place, cause usually I would never think of it because of the pain. So today, despite the good time, I am stuck pretty much in bed, and I have no internet because, like we learned earlier, my life sucks here.
So that is pretty much all she wrote for now. I really did have a good time at Backbone and I will write more later just about that so there are some happy things for my readers to read about. I will be posting more often now, I think, being as there is nothing better to do and I am stuck in this horrible place I may as well try to be entertaining to others. I will write more soon, till then I wish my Endo and PCOS sisters a pain-free day and the rest of you a good afternoon!!! Peace!

GAHHHHHHHHH

it did it AGAIN!!!!!!!

GAH

I just spent an hour writing a blog and it erased it....

I will try again tomorrow